france marseilles

I always do my best thinking when iapos;m walking or travelling in a car or by train/bus.
Today i realised why i moved here. Finally. And why at first i loved Trowbridge so much.
I like the feeling of being so detached from everything here.
Like iapos;m not really involved in these peoples lives.
Just sat watching.
I guess thatapos;s one of my favourite things to do. Just watch and understand people.
Iapos;ve been told a lot that i read people well. I guess thatapos;s where it comes from.
Once you become involved thats when you become a target for the drama.
I donapos;t like being close to people.
Boyfriends..thatapos;s a different matter.
Itapos;s easier.
But friends really do scare me.
Being close to someone and relying on someone who can easily just fuck off in a second is hard.
With boyfriends there is this sorta weird thing that means they canapos;t just fuck off over something stupid. They generally only leave for good reason.

So i liked Trowbridge so much because i wasnapos;t apart of their world.
If i stayed at someones house it didnapos;t feel like home.
If i hung out with a group of people i had little connection to any of them.
That didnapos;t mean that i didnapos;t like them. I thought they were all awesome.
But there was no deep connection.
When connections to certain people started to be made thatapos;s when it all went tits up.
I guess that is why i moved.
I was bored of those connections.
I didnapos;t want them any more.
I wanted to feel detached once again.


Today was so beautiful walking home.
Iapos;ve never thought the autumn leaves falling from the trees piling up on the floor was beautiful before. It seemed boring. The most awful season.
But today it was.
The amazing colours.
The browns, the reds, the yellows.
I walked on the grass patch on purpose so i could wade through the leaves.

And then i came home and had a nap for hours.
Thatapos;s when more drama started.
A friend is supposed to be there for someone and to make sure they donapos;t make a twat of themselves.
Itapos;s a shame however that i failed on that one.
Itapos;s hard when you care about someone, specially when youapos;re me because iapos;m just too honest about what i think.
france marseilles, france martinique, france mary queen tudor.